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Christmas Cat Sweaters, Part II

yo yo yo

Christmas is almost here, and you haven’t finished shopping! Gasp! Whatever shall you do? Perhaps… purchase a cat sweater or two? That’s right, folks: the long-awaited sequel to Christmas Cat Sweaters is here, and it’s even more questionable than before! Thanks to the multitude of hipsters infesting the USA, the cat sweater population is at an all-time high, so you can find the perfect gift for every member of your family. We don’t have much time before your chain-smoking Aunt Beth arrives and demands to know where her present is, so let’s get down to business, shall we?

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Happy Halloween 2013!

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Oh, October. You’re always an insane month for me. When I was in school, projects were always due during you, and when I got a fancy adult job (that isn’t fancy at all), work projects were due in you, too. Then there were the haunted houses that begged me to visit them, so naturally, I had to oblige (I mean, they can be soooo needy sometimes, but what can I say, when I see a haunted house in crisis, I do my Halloween duty and support them). Of course Candy kept calling me, too, day and night, whining that it needed to be eaten. So clingy, that Candy. And Alcohol. Oh, Alcohol. It just threw a huge temper tantrum and wouldn’t let up until I drank it. Especially Vampire Blood Wine. I had to drink it, it wouldn’t leave me alone! And, ugh, Pumpkin Patch and State Fair both made me come visit them, my black cat needed attention and Flour and Sugar demanded I use them to bake Halloween treats. I don’t know why they wanted me to use them up and leave them high and dry, but they’re masochists like that. Costumes vied for my attention, too, and Pinterest kept whining, “Please create a fall-themed board and pin a bunch of leaf pictures on it!” So I mean, it’s been crazy, and now that it’s officially Halloween, I’m exhausted.

So what can you do to relax on Halloween?

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Aldi Cereal Mascots Are Coming for You in the Night

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I don’t want to get freaky with your fruits, disco granny cat!

Have you ever been inside an Aldi? One of the first things you’ll see is their cereal selection. It bombards you right at the door with its Sloth-inspired cereal mascots.

All of Aldi’s cereal boxes are teeming with eerie, bug-eyed Pixar rejects. Their eyes follow you around the store. You can try and hide in the produce section but it won’t do you any good. They have already seen you.

Why does Aldi use these pee-your-pants creepy mascots? I have a theory…

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Miley Cyrus’s Tongue Is All Up in Yo Bidness

“Not Without My Tongue: A Drama of Loss and Reprisal”

I kid, it’s just Miley’s tongue hangin’ loose.

By now you have surely seen Miley Cyrus’s disgusting VMA performance. If not, watch it. Everyone else had to be scarred for life so WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE, HUH?

Ahem. This is a compilation of Miley’s tongue hanging out (along with pretty much everything else), slobbering on the audience and trying to steal the show from that candy-throwing chick with the huge butt Miley for some reason had on stage with her.

I won’t even get into how sad her performance was. Honestly though, she might have sold it if HER TONGUE HADN’T CONSTANTLY BEEN OUT. Sticking out your tongue once, twice, even thrice is a gesture of rebellion and angst; sticking it out 100 times is just weird and makes it seem like you’re trying really hard to be young and edgy. We all know she would have had that thing out for every waking moment of the performance had she not had to sing.

Also, I must get this out once. Wearing a nude latex bikini that is 4 sizes too small is NOT HOT. Ok?! Not. Hot. That thing was so far up her ass crack I’m surprised her legs didn’t fall off.

Concert Review: BRMC at The House of Blues Dallas, April 27, 2013

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If you missed out on this show, be sad.

Not as sad as if you missed out on their show at Trees almost 3 years ago, when they gave a seriously unbeatable performance, but be sad.

It is my personal, factual, undisputed, universally-accepted-as-truth belief that BRMC is incapable of giving a bad performance. The night of April 27th was no exception.

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Omo, Another Plug?

“OMFG AGAIN R U SERIOUS Y R U DOING THIS 2 ME” is what you’re probably thinking, if you’re a grammatically challenged 13-year-old girl. Yes, folks, I’m sorry to say it’s time for yet another shameless plug. I left out something important in my last post: I made two videos for Ishi, not one. As luck would have it, two is actually more than one in quantity (who knew?), so I’m spamming two blog posts instead of just one. Do me a favor and watch this video too (in HD, of course). If you do, I’ll hunt you down, wait outside your house dressed in all black, ring your doorbell and… give you a relaxing foot massage! What can I say, you scratch my back, I scratch your feet. Potato tomato. You can always hit that “like” button too… I heard if you click it, somewhere in the world, your enemies get shot in their faces. Think about it.

Emotional Hard Drive

Wow! It’s been a long time since I’ve been on WordPress. I’m sorry, Bloggie, I didn’t mean to neglect you! I just got so busy with work and booze and finally watching Grimm…

Alright, so, this is some video coverage of an amazing performance ISHI gave when they opened for New Order back in October 2012. I might be a LITTLE late in posting this video *cough* but it’s only because SOMEONE didn’t pull their weight in the not-annihilating-my-precious-Macbook department (I’m looking at you, Illegal Copy of Adobe Suite and also at you, Heinous Apple Computer Virus I No Doubt Got from an Illegal K-drama Website—you b****es really f***ed me over this time).

Anyway, I hope you’ll give it a look-see (in HD, please—watching a YouTube video in 480p when you have the option of watching it in 1080 is sort of like choosing an Equate brand packaged chocolate chip cookie over a freshly baked one from your granny… you’re insane, basically).

Muchas gracias, folks!

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