Guess what, folks? Something amazing happened to me, aside from the free ounce of froyo I got at Yogurt Story the other day because I found a spider in it. (I put the spider there. SUCKAAAS!)
I got a Mac laptop!
As everyone knows, Mac is actually an acronym that stands for Magical And Cakewalk, which doesn’t make much sense, but the bottom line is that this computer is the shit (or should I say, the shit my cake says? Har-dee-har-har).
But how I came to acquire this beautiful piece of hardware is a tale of tragedy and terror.
My other laptop, Lappy, died last week.
R.I.P. Lappy: Beloved Friend, Father, Beverage Coaster and Computer-Type Thing.
June 2008-May 2011
The precise cause of death is unknown, but the doctors say it’s because he was a cheaply constructed piece of turdpoo. That or all the torrents I downloaded. I’m sorry, but sometimes I just need my XXX fix of Sexy Asians Sharpening Pencils and Licking Ice Cream Cones While Nursing Komodo Dragons, okay?!
So, because of Lappy’s tragic death, I got Sharon, my newer, sexier laptop. Don’t let the name fool you—Sharon is all man. The switch from PC to Mac has not been an easy one, and I lost a lot of important files in the process, but I’m surviving with the help of Sharon. He makes great hot cocoa. We’re going to the movies later. Is Jumping the Broom any good? It seems Sharon’s only flaw is his love for Tyler Perry. I can live with it as long as I don’t come home to find him dressed like Madea.
Anyway, a great thing about having a Mac is that I’m cool now. Whenever I used to see those Apple commercials with Justin Long, I felt so lame. I couldn’t relate to the young, hip Mac—instead, I was forced to identify with the old, glasses-wearing PC. But now that’s changed! I can already feel society accepting me more because of my choice in computer.
Now I’m not saying that PCs are all around terrible—they most certainly are not. But with all the headaches Lappy gave me, I accepted Sharon with open arms. Lappy used Windows Vista, and that was a nightmare. Sure, my time with Lappy was exciting, but at the end of the day, I’m looking for good old-fashioned dependability. Well, that and really great video editing capabilities. So, out with the old, and in with the Apple.
(Let’s be real, though: both Macs and PCs have their problems, which is what makes this video so great.)