Archive for September, 2011

12 Weirdest Justin Bieber Products

Justin Bieber (or as I like to call him, Justin Gerber) is a pop sensation, and as such, it is his duty to amass large quantities of money by plastering his face to everything. Such is capitalism. There is a line, though, between Bieber Fever and Bieber Schizophrenia. Bieber Fever inspires a lot of merchandise, like t-shirts, posters, and teddy bears. Bieber Schizophrenia, on the other hand, generates weird crap like this:

12. JB Barbie: Yeah, Barbie, not Ken. You can’t expect me to look at that face and see a man. And how weird does this thing look? It’s just, like, staring… looking nowhere in particular, probably wishing its hair wasn’t painted onto its head like that. Maybe it’s the failed-decapitation neck slit that’s throwing me off, but something about this G.I. Joe-gone-wrong just doesn’t sit right with me.



I Don’t Know What You Did Last Summer… Besides Sweat to Death

As many of you may know, Texas has been the proverbial hair in the Golden Corral dinner that is the 2011 heatwave. I don’t know what proverb that comes from, but what I mean to say is that Texas is smack dab in the middle of one of its worst heat waves in decades. With autumn fast approaching, one can only hope the sun will soon get off its power trip and go see a therapist instead of torturing all us Texans with its evil rays. It’s not Texas’s fault your dad never loved you, Sun.

Much mayhem (not the All State kind) has occurred in this summer heatwave, including fires, sunburns, and car steering wheels reaching the temperature of frying pans. So let us grab a cold beverage and review the highlights of this passing, scorching summer.