Christmas Cat Sweaters

It’s Christmas Eve! You know what that means. Last-minute shopping! Many of you have yet to find that perfect gift for everyone on your list, but you’re in luck! There’s one universally loved gift that suits everyone: the cat sweater!

I’ve made a list of a few beautiful cat sweaters that everyone can appreciate. Your gift will touch the recipient so much, he or she might cry!

Christmas Cameltoe Cat: This luxurious cat sweater screams “frolic” and “fancy”. The cat looks majestic and overjoyed to be displayed on your chest. Your friend or family member will look radiant in this hand-crafted, cat-with-cameltoe sweater.

Helpful Tip: Don’t have any friends or family? Buy it for yourself!

Siamese Sextuplets: This somewhat pyramid-shaped blob of cats loves the holidays so much, it threw holly leaves and toilet paper in the air just for you!

Helpful Tip: Pair this sweater with stirrup pants for that chic 1985 look.

Disembodied Cat Face: Nothing says “I’m ready for eggnog!” like wearing a giant cat face.

Helpful Tip: Did you know this comfy cat sweater also doubles as sexy lingerie?

Playful Cats: Oh my, look at how playful these cats are! They’re so playful, they’re throwing a playful party with dead fish and balloons! This sweater is sassy and saucy, perfect for that special man in your life.

Helpful Tip: Make this playful sweater even saucier by wearing it without pants!

Invisible Cats: These two cats can be everywhere at once, and also be invisible! Shock and awe your party guests with your omnipotent, godlike superhero cats sweater. They’ll be so impressed by and fearful of your all-powerful cats, they’ll run away from you!

Helpful Tip: Wear it to church!

Whole Body Cat: This flirty sweater engulfs your whole body for that cozy, mysterious feel. Be the life of the party in this purr-fect sweater!

Helpful Tip: Wear this sweater as a Halloween costume for double holiday bonus points!

Christmas Cats: These cats are so excited about Christmas! Watch them as they trim the tree and wrap presents. One of them is even trying to hang a wreath on your boob! How adorable!

Helpful Tip: Go braless in this sweater for extra holiday cheer!

Neon Plaid Cats: These neon-colored plaid cats are ready to hit a rave with you and take some X, but also snuggle with you by the fire and read Harlequin romance novels.

Helpful Tip: Take X while reading romance novels!

Sexy Men’s Cat: This drop-dead sex-machine sweater for men commands hot female attention.

Helpful Tip: Wear it as a loincloth for a lust-filled new year!

Children’s Long-Necked Cat: This expensive-looking sweatshirt fits any child and displays a bottle-necked, white African tribal cartoon cat. Even if the sweater is a little itchy, your child deserves to wear it for all the times they pooped in the yard!

Helpful Tip: Maybe that was your dog, not your kid, but it doesn’t matter! Make them wear it anyway!

Sweater With a Bunch of Stuff Glued on It: This pretty sweater is great for all ages and features a cat and mouse head in a wreath. It also comes equipped with a removable emergency stocking for that insignificant relative you forgot.

Helpful Tip: The removable stocking can also serve as a masturbation tool! 

Cat Sweater for Your Cat: Don’t forget Mr. Whiskers this year! This whimsical cat sweater fits cats, dogs, and babies for an all-purpose cat celebration!

Helpful Tip: Use it as a rag to clean dishes, hairballs, or both! 

Buy your own tasteful cat sweaters here.


3 responses

  1. Sky

    where can i buy these sweater?!?!?!?! i love them!

    July 28, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    • I’m not sure where you can buy cat sweaters specifically, but thrift stores are usually good for ugly sweaters in general and is of course a good choice 🙂

      July 31, 2012 at 12:30 am

  2. Pingback: Christmas Cat Sweaters, Part II | Shit My Cake Says

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