Posts tagged “love

Concert Review: BRMC at The House of Blues Dallas, April 27, 2013

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If you missed out on this show, be sad.

Not as sad as if you missed out on their show at Trees almost 3 years ago, when they gave a seriously unbeatable performance, but be sad.

It is my personal, factual, undisputed, universally-accepted-as-truth belief that BRMC is incapable of giving a bad performance. The night of April 27th was no exception.

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I Punched a Girl: Part IX

Because I was the sexiest man alive, I managed to knock myself out twice in one day, and because I did this, I couldn’t drive. I had to wait for my mom to come pick me up while I watched everyone else in my class leave in their cars. Just call me Captain Lady-Killer. No… the ‘captain’ made me seem like a murderer instead of a sarcastic, self-deprecating dork.

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DJ Roomantic

This season of Parks and Recreation has brought us many adorable, sexy, and romantic character relationships. Andy and April, Ann and Chris, and lastly, the most obvious one…

…Tom and DJ Roomba.

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I Punched a Girl: Part VIII

Shelby’s pre-cal class was about five feet from where we were standing, so the walk to her class was not a long one.

“Thanks for walking me all the way to my faraway class,” she said.

Loser, I thought to myself. What were you thinking? “Hey, Shelby, want me to walk you to your class that’s only a Verne Troyer and a half away from where we’re standing right now?”

“Look, what I was going to ask you earlier is if—”

“’Sup, Shelby,” Todd’s voice boomed, interrupting her. He put his meaty arm around her waist, and she immediately slinked away. He looked at me. “’Sup, Queer.”

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I Punched a Girl: Part VI

After fourth period, I met up with Andy and we walked to lunch.

“Andy!” Christie screeched from down the hall. Andy cringed.

See, Christie was this annoying cheerleader who’d had a crush on Andy since, like, fourth grade. She was part of the Rice Kristies, a horrible pun and a group of three girls named “Kristie”—Christie, Kristie, and Criystee, the last of whom had parents who apparently never learned how to spell. All three members of the Rice Kristies (God, it pains me to even say those words) were cheerleaders, but Christie was the only brunette and, frankly, the only unattractive one. Kristie was dumb but hot, and Criystee defied her parents’ legacy by grasping the concept of phonetics. She was also cute and ranked number two in our class. Then there was Christie, who was both marginally ugly and painfully stupid, and boy did she love Andy.

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I Punched a Girl: Part III

This is the part where I got a concussion. If Shelby didn’t think I was a total freak already, this definitely sealed the deal.

“Sir?”

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Your Christmas List for People You’re Obligated to Love

Black Friday was a couple of weeks ago, but that doesn’t mean America isn’t still in a fight-to-the-death mindset when it comes to holiday shopping. It’s dangerous out there, and unless you’re equipped with a thousand tranquilizer darts and copies of O Magazine to take on the housewives, your life could be in danger. It seems grim, but there’s good news. I’ve compiled a list of gadgets and gobbledygook for everyone on your Christmas list that you can order online, so you don’t have to risk your life in the midst of holiday shopper crowds.

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