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Posts tagged “creepy

Aldi Cereal Mascots Are Coming for You in the Night

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I don’t want to get freaky with your fruits, disco granny cat!

Have you ever been inside an Aldi? One of the first things you’ll see is their cereal selection. It bombards you right at the door with its Sloth-inspired cereal mascots.

All of Aldi’s cereal boxes are teeming with eerie, bug-eyed Pixar rejects. Their eyes follow you around the store. You can try and hide in the produce section but it won’t do you any good. They have already seen you.

Why does Aldi use these pee-your-pants creepy mascots? I have a theory…

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I Dream of Weenie

Asian child, I will eat you. Don’t think I won’t do it.

I recently got a job at a fast food restaurant because I forgot why I went to college. The place where I work serves hot dogs, and not just any hot dogs. Delicious hot dogs (see: Figure 4). I’ve never been a huge hot dog fan (unless “hot dog” is a euphemism), but being around them constantly is making me crave them. Need them. (more…)


On the Fifth Day of Halloween, My True Love Gave to Me…

…a Frankenstein-esque Homemade Sex Doll! Nine Slasher Cupcakes, a Baby Doll Centipede, Creepy Easter Bunny, and Human Body Part Candy Sushi.

May meets “To Catch a Predator”, in the worst way possible.


On the Third Day of Halloween, My True Love Gave to Me…

…a Baby Doll Centipede! A Creepy Easter Bunny and Human Body Part Candy Sushi.

This one’s my favorite, but there are other versions, too:

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On the Second Day of Halloween, My True Love Gave to Me…

…a Creepy Easter Bunny! And Human Body Part Candy Sushi.

He’s here to claim your eggs.


Weirdest Yahoo! Answers Questions

Yahoo! Answers is a breeding ground for teenagers, the desperate, trolls, and troll dolls, so naturally, I hang out there sometimes. I’ve compiled a list of the weirdest questions I’ve come across in that weird, weird place in cyberspace.

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Worst Commercials of 2010

I’m sick. Since I’ve been sick, I’ve been watching plenty of TV, which means plenty of commercials. So, it is with great disgust that I give you the Worst Commercials of 2010:

1. Those F*CKING OLD NAVY MANNEQUIN COMMERCIALS: I hate these commercials with a burning passion. I really hate the one where they’re suddenly naked (um, ‘scuze me, Old Navy, but aren’t you supposed to be family friendly?), but there’s one I hate even more than that mannequin nudiefest. It’s the most recent addition to the abomination ads, the faux sitcom one where the creepy, lifeless-eyed mannequins move into a house together and are greeted by their flesh-and-blood real human neighbors. There’s a laugh track. I hate laugh tracks. Except for this one. My biggest beef with this commercial lies within the total lack of reality. No, I’m not talking about how mannequins gained the ability to talk and sign a lease. We all knew it was bound to happen at some point, as Wes Craven pointed out in his scariest movie ever, Mannequin. I’m talking about how mannequins from different racial backgrounds managed to live in harmony within one house. The only way this situation is plausible is if they were on The Real World: Mannequins. As far as I know, The Real World doesn’t have a laugh track, so Old Navy has no excuse for this horrible, terrible, disgusting, appalling, atrocious, frightening, deplorable series of commercials.

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