Posts tagged “ugly

Christmas Cat Sweaters, Part II

yo yo yo

Christmas is almost here, and you haven’t finished shopping! Gasp! Whatever shall you do? Perhaps… purchase a cat sweater or two? That’s right, folks: the long-awaited sequel to Christmas Cat Sweaters is here, and it’s even more questionable than before! Thanks to the multitude of hipsters infesting the USA, the cat sweater population is at an all-time high, so you can find the perfect gift for every member of your family. We don’t have much time before your chain-smoking Aunt Beth arrives and demands to know where her present is, so let’s get down to business, shall we?

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Thrift Store Nightmares

Thrift stores aren’t known for having the trendiest, cleanest, or most hair-free clothes, but occasionally you can find some cool stuff in them. You can also find really ugly stuff, as evidenced by the following photos:

This negligee appears to be from Bill Cosby’s new lingerie collection, Space Pudding. It debuted at Fashion Week in the “No More Faking Headaches” tent.

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Battle of the Bods: Twilight Edition

Jacob Black, Bella Boringface, and Edward Cullen of the Twilight franchise.

We’ve all been plagued by nightmarish apparitions of teens wearing “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob” t-shirts, and we all want this headache of a franchise to die a fiery death. The only way to kill the Twilight phenomenon, though, is to solve the question everyone’s asking: Who’s hotter? Jacob or Edward?

I’d make a list of pros and cons, but neither candidate has any pros, so I’ll just weigh the cons:

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Pink Zebra Van Real Estate Guns

What does pink zebra print have to do with family real estate?

The answer is absolutely nothing. So why does the Mercer family think a promotional van covered in pink zebra print is a good idea?

Mercer Family Realty serves Denton, TX. They’re there to help you sell a house, buy a house, and blind you with their eyesore of a van.

About two weeks ago, I was driving home from work and saw a black van covered in pink zebra print. I figured it was a promotional van for some kind of tween girl clothing store or “edgy” cake bakery. I was surprised to see that it was actually advertising real estate. It took me a while to regain my sight after it was taken from me by the uncomfortable juxtaposition of family realty and pink animal print.

A few days ago, I saw the van again, parked outside a grocery store. Sighting a van twice in roughly two weeks? Hardly seems coincidental.

I am convinced Mercer Family Realty is following me. But that’s not important. Maybe it’s important.

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Worst Things for Sale at Hot Topic

Star Socks– Oh boy! I love the greasy, tasteless food at Carl’s Junior. I’m so glad I can wear the Carl’s Junior Star on my feet now!

Brass Knuckles Backpack– I highly suggest walking through a dark alley in the bad part of town while wearing this brass knuckles-patterned backpack. It just screams, “Fight me, I’m a badass.”

Twilight “Team Jacob” Band-Aids– Good, just in time to mend the wounds from all that rough sex adolescent teens are having with werewolves. Oh wait… werewolves don’t exist. No werewolf werewounds, no need for wereband-aids. (more…)