Posts tagged “scary

Aldi Cereal Mascots Are Coming for You in the Night

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I don’t want to get freaky with your fruits, disco granny cat!

Have you ever been inside an Aldi? One of the first things you’ll see is their cereal selection. It bombards you right at the door with its Sloth-inspired cereal mascots.

All of Aldi’s cereal boxes are teeming with eerie, bug-eyed Pixar rejects. Their eyes follow you around the store. You can try and hide in the produce section but it won’t do you any good. They have already seen you.

Why does Aldi use these pee-your-pants creepy mascots? I have a theory…

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I Dream of Weenie

Asian child, I will eat you. Don’t think I won’t do it.

I recently got a job at a fast food restaurant because I forgot why I went to college. The place where I work serves hot dogs, and not just any hot dogs. Delicious hot dogs (see: Figure 4). I’ve never been a huge hot dog fan (unless “hot dog” is a euphemism), but being around them constantly is making me crave them. Need them. (more…)


On the Second Day of Halloween, My True Love Gave to Me…

…a Creepy Easter Bunny! And Human Body Part Candy Sushi.

He’s here to claim your eggs.


Adolfo de Jesus Constanzo: One Sick Freak

I love cults. Okay, maybe love is a bit of a strong word. Let’s call it morbid fascination. I have a morbid fascination with cults. Since I’m such a nut about cults, I’ve spent way too much time researching them, so I can assure you I know my stuff.

Cults are a fascinating part of history but aren’t covered in the classroom, so today I’m going to educate you about a personal favorite cult leader of mine, Adolfo de Jesus Constanzo.

Adolfo de Jesus Constanzo was a cult leader and serial killer who killed many people around the Texas-Mexico border, including a Texas college student, so as a Texas college student, naturally I feel he is the most (ir)relevant serial killer for you to learn about.

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