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Archive for August, 2013

Aldi Cereal Mascots Are Coming for You in the Night

Screen Shot 2013-08-27 at 6.06.51 PM

I don’t want to get freaky with your fruits, disco granny cat!

Have you ever been inside an Aldi? One of the first things you’ll see is their cereal selection. It bombards you right at the door with its Sloth-inspired cereal mascots.

All of Aldi’s cereal boxes are teeming with eerie, bug-eyed Pixar rejects. Their eyes follow you around the store. You can try and hide in the produce section but it won’t do you any good. They have already seen you.

Why does Aldi use these pee-your-pants creepy mascots? I have a theory…

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Miley Cyrus’s Tongue Is All Up in Yo Bidness

“Not Without My Tongue: A Drama of Loss and Reprisal”

I kid, it’s just Miley’s tongue hangin’ loose.

By now you have surely seen Miley Cyrus’s disgusting VMA performance. If not, watch it. Everyone else had to be scarred for life so WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE, HUH?

Ahem. This is a compilation of Miley’s tongue hanging out (along with pretty much everything else), slobbering on the audience and trying to steal the show from that candy-throwing chick with the huge butt Miley for some reason had on stage with her.

I won’t even get into how sad her performance was. Honestly though, she might have sold it if HER TONGUE HADN’T CONSTANTLY BEEN OUT. Sticking out your tongue once, twice, even thrice is a gesture of rebellion and angst; sticking it out 100 times is just weird and makes it seem like you’re trying really hard to be young and edgy. We all know she would have had that thing out for every waking moment of the performance had she not had to sing.

Also, I must get this out once. Wearing a nude latex bikini that is 4 sizes too small is NOT HOT. Ok?! Not. Hot. That thing was so far up her ass crack I’m surprised her legs didn’t fall off.