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Apparently “Haute Couture” Means “Masturbating With a Bucket of KFC”

In the middle of a Books-A-Million, I crouched down and started snapping photos of an allegedly straight man’s magazine I found. Forgive me, I don’t remember what the man-azine was called, but you wouldn’t either if you saw this:

Here we have a nice young man who appears to be modeling underwear while working out and simultaneously stuffing Pizza Hut condiment packets into his Hugo Boss briefs. Seems sensible enough.

I feel like there’s some sort of innuendo here, but I just can’t quite put my chopstick on it…

Okay, I’m starting to think maybe this “straight” man’s lingerie spread isn’t quite as innocent as I thought it was. Especially if it involves anything related to Ronald McDonald. Also, see where my index finger is? Yeah, that’s clearly a sock. You can even see the little fabric fold-over and everything.

Penises?

Next, we have this bizarre, not-so-innocent sadomasochism-with-pizza thing:

Wtf was this photographer telling the model to do during this photoshoot? “Yeah, baby, yeah! Grrr! Make love to the pizza, baby! Make love to it!”

Yeah…you…bite that pizza…

Oh come on, a hot dog? You’re not even trying to be subtle now.

Last but not least, there’s this:

Nothing says “heterosexual” like half-naked men and meat.

If I didn’t know any better (and I don’t), I’d say this fellow was jacking off into a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Feel free to click on any of the images to get a nice, big, fat picture of man junk in your face.

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2 responses

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    October 2, 2010 at 12:05 pm

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    August 13, 2014 at 5:24 pm

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