Jacob Black, Bella Boringface, and Edward Cullen of the Twilight franchise.
We’ve all been plagued by nightmarish apparitions of teens wearing “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob” t-shirts, and we all want this headache of a franchise to die a fiery death. The only way to kill the Twilight phenomenon, though, is to solve the question everyone’s asking: Who’s hotter? Jacob or Edward?
I’d make a list of pros and cons, but neither candidate has any pros, so I’ll just weigh the cons:
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November 19, 2010 | Categories: Awkward, Bored, Comedy, Fiction, Humor, Movies, Pop Culture, Uncategorized | Tags: abs, Battle of the Bods, Bella, blood, boys, cold dildo, cooking, drug addict, drugs, eating disorder, Eclipse, Edward Cullen, fantasy, gross, handsome, Indians, Jacob abs, Jacob Black, Kristin Stewart, New Moon, Nick Nolte, old, pain, pedophile, racist, Robert Pattinson, shit my cake says, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Lautner abs, Twilight, ugly, vagina, vampire, werewolf, winter, young | Leave a comment
Star Socks– Oh boy! I love the greasy, tasteless food at Carl’s Junior. I’m so glad I can wear the Carl’s Junior Star on my feet now!
Brass Knuckles Backpack– I highly suggest walking through a dark alley in the bad part of town while wearing this brass knuckles-patterned backpack. It just screams, “Fight me, I’m a badass.”
Twilight “Team Jacob” Band-Aids– Good, just in time to mend the wounds from all that rough sex adolescent teens are having with werewolves. Oh wait… werewolves don’t exist. No werewolf werewounds, no need for wereband-aids. (more…)
August 12, 2010 | Categories: Clothing, Comedy, Uncategorized | Tags: accessories, action figures, Aquaman, baby, backpack, band aids, Bella, Bob Marley, bracelet, brass knuckles, Carl's Junior, clothes, clothing, drink, emo, friendship, goth, gross, hipster, horrifying, Hot Topic, hottopic.com, lame, Nickelodeon, onesie, online, Reptar, retail, Rugrats, shoes, skirt, socks, stupid, style, suspenders, Team Jacob, throwback, tru blood, Twilight, ugly, whore, zebra | 5 Comments
I have broken it down into two categories: Reasons Why Stephanie Meyer Should Be Assassinated and Reasons Why Stephanie Meyer Should Not Be Assassinated.
Reasons Why Stephanie Meyer Should Be Assassinated:
1. Vampires Suck: This movie looks like the worst thing since Birdemic*. Why does it exist? Because Twilight exists. Therefore Stephanie Meyer is responsible for it.
2. Nordstrom: I no longer have any respect for Nordstrom’s juniors department. All the clothes are now Twilight-themed thanks to Meyer’s horrendous book, and if that wasn’t disturbing enough, they also sell life-size cardboard cut-outs of Twilight characters, which you can buy here. Times are tough, though, so I recommend pinching a few pennies by cutting your own firewood.
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August 7, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: assassinate, Bella, book, Die, Edward Cullen, Jacob Black, list, Live, Nordstrom, reason, Regretsy, Robert Pattinson, Stephanie Meyer, stupid, Taylor Lautner, Team Edward, Team Jacob, Twilight | 8 Comments
Jacob Black, Bella Boringface, and Edward Cullen of the Twilight franchise.
Star Socks– Oh boy! I love the greasy, tasteless food at Carl’s Junior. I’m so glad I can wear the Carl’s Junior Star on my feet now!
Brass Knuckles Backpack– I highly suggest walking through a dark alley in the bad part of town while wearing this brass knuckles-patterned backpack. It just screams, “Fight me, I’m a badass.”
Twilight “Team Jacob” Band-Aids– Good, just in time to mend the wounds from all that rough sex adolescent teens are having with werewolves. Oh wait… werewolves don’t exist. No werewolf werewounds, no need for wereband-aids. (more…)
Shit My Cake Says 