Farm Couture

Often times, I’ve found myself flipping through the pages of fashion magazines only to be supremely confused, mostly by the farms. The farms, the farms! Why do so many photo shoots happen on farms? Farmers don’t wear ball gowns when they milk their cows. They wear, like, unfashionable stuff, like overalls. This phenomenon has been going on for years and it has never made sense. Not that fashion really makes sense so much as it makes some of us feel bad and some of us feel amazing. But no one feels amazing in Valentino if they’re loading hay bales into the back of a rusty pick-up, so why are farms a staple of fashion advertising?

I think this is from America’s Next Top Attention Whore Model. I’m not even gonna ask what’s up with the black thing she’s eating. All that matters is that a model is actually eating… while jumping up and down on what looks like a road paved with cow poo.

Whenever I feed my livestock, I like to do it with a pearl noose around my face. It keeps things interesting.

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

The precursor to the above picture. I suppose this is less “farm” and more “general landscape,” but the dude is falling off of a boulder onto another boulder.

I don’t need to know why this stylish man is sexily relaxing on hay bales, but why is he doing it in front of a giant slab of cheap wood from Lowe’s? (You’re not fooling anyone, Art Director!)

It’s a good thing you ladies wore your best heels to do manual labor and trudge through hay and dung, because what a hot farmer man appreciates more than anything is a silver snakeskin pump.

“You guys, last night I got so wasted that I passed out in this trough in the middle of nowhere. Then this horse came up and started trying to eat me, but we communicated telepathically and it looked right into my soul, right into my goddamn soul.”

Lady, just because you can fit into a thrift store dress some stranger wore to their 1986 homecoming dance doesn’t mean you should wear it. Not on a farm, not anywhere. Now put that away. Your vagina is scaring the chickens.

Speaking of vaginas, looks like she’s ready for a roll in the hay. Literally.

Amish Couture?!


3 responses

  1. Love it! we’ve just done a post on the Cambridge Satchel Co. Would love for you to check it out!

    January 21, 2012 at 10:34 pm

  2. jesus christ this is some funny shit.

    February 18, 2012 at 11:10 am

  3. Thanks ladies!

    March 30, 2012 at 11:25 pm

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