Fried Day Friday
This past Friday, I attended the State Fair of Texas. It was fun, but the nutritional equivalent of fried turd I ate mandated that this weekend be X-TREEM DETOX WEEKEND. X-TREEM DETOX WEEKEND is my specially formulated diet plan to lose bulk without improving overall health. It involves a lot of diet soda. I guess it’s more of an anti-detox… but detox sounds better so it’s X-TREEM DETOX WEEKEND, with a completely unnecessary but nonetheless effectively aggressive misspelling of “extreme”! So tape Coke Zero cans to your hands and start downing my patented X-TREEM DETOX DIET PILLS!
X-TREEM DETOX WEEKEND will be the most X-TREEM 48 hours of your life. Liquids galore! Multiple trips to the bathroom! Diet 7Up laced with laxatives! The best part is each pill bottle comes with an instruction manual:
After X-TREEM DETOX WEEKEND, you’ll be sure to rid your body of the following fried State Fair concoctions:
Fried Bubblegum: Pink Puffs of Diabetes!
Fried Butter: I Can’t Believe It’s Not Lethal!
Fried Pumpkin Pie: Delicious and Deadly!
Fried Oreos: The Testicle-Shaped Dessert of the Decade!
Fried Margaritas: Surprisingly Disgusting! Like Soggy Bland French Fries Soaking in Lime Juice and Bad Tequila!
Fried Green Tomatoes!
And of course, Fried Alligator on a Stick!
For just three easy payments of $69.99, you too can have the diet success of Big Tex!