Thrift Store Nightmares

Thrift stores aren’t known for having the trendiest, cleanest, or most hair-free clothes, but occasionally you can find some cool stuff in them. You can also find really ugly stuff, as evidenced by the following photos:

This negligee appears to be from Bill Cosby’s new lingerie collection, Space Pudding. It debuted at Fashion Week in the “No More Faking Headaches” tent.

Wastin’ away again in Margaritaville, lookin’ for my lost shaker of dignity…

If you’re wondering if this is a dress or a coat, save your brain cells, because it’s neither. It’s Big Bird’s dead cousin, Black Bird. Just like Blackbeard the pirate, Black Bird had scurvy and no sense of personal hygiene.

Note the lovely fishnet trim. This vest belongs here. Or in a dumpster.

Besides constantly making the naughty list, Mrs. Claus has questionable taste in sleepwear. Why this Christmasy robe comes with the Sandman’s sash is beyond me. I guess this isn’t as bad as the Ronald McDonald pajamas hanging behind it, though. I wonder if they smell like french fries.

This muumuu would make a great gift for your grandma, but the slit at the crotch also makes it perfect for your friendly neighborhood sexual predator.

Speaking of cat vomit, it seems the Kitty Puke Fairy weaved this magical hairball-colored vest out of love and wet fur, just for you.

A well-preserved relic from the Laura Ingalls Wilder days that should have died alongside the buffalo.

Save a horse, ride an obese, middle-aged cowgirl.

Before you defend this handkerchief-sized Harley Davidson shirt, remember that there is no way this bandana crop top is big enough to hold saggy biker boobs. No way.

C is for Crap. Or Chlamydia.

Double your pleasure, double your fun, double your Homecoming dance pregnancy with Doublemint gum!

Eek! Look at how ugly this dress is! It looks like a silver version of the above gold dresses. Thank goodness there’s only one of them and OH F*CK THERE ARE THREE.

Last but not least, there’s this… thing…

This is, without a doubt, the ugliest item of clothing I have ever seen in my life. It rivals Donald Trump’s hair for the #1 spot on the ugly scale.

If this thrift store was really PG-13, they wouldn’t carry these clothes.

Well folks, until next time, take care and eat batteries.


2 responses

  1. “Lookin’ for my lost shaker of dignity.” First belly laugh all day. Thanks for sharing.

    July 1, 2011 at 10:27 pm

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