I Punched a Girl: Part IV

“How does someone even get knocked out twice in one day?” I heard Andy ask. Everything was black. I couldn’t see.

“I can’t see!” I wailed.

“Open your eyes, dumbass,” Andy said.

“Oh,” I said, opening my eyes. I felt like an idiot, and my head still hurt. At that point, I had no idea what the hell had just happened. I was in a hospital bed, and Andy and Shelby were there. Oh, Shelby. She was smiling. She always looked so pretty when she smiled. Or when she frowned. Or when she did anything, really.

“Cavan, you’re awake,” she said, still smiling.

I smiled at her, too. Our eyes locked and it was the happiest I’d felt all day, if not all week.

“How many pain meds are you on?” Andy asked.

“I don’t know. None?”

“Then why are you smiling like a dope?” Andy sneered, interrupting my fantasy-come-true. Not that I’d ever fantasized about passing out in a hospital. Sure, there were times when I’d pictured Shelby as a sexy nurse but… uh, never mind.

Immediately, I stopped smiling and started blushing. Shelby had a big white bandage over her nose.

“Shelby, your nose…” I murmured.

“It’s alright. My nose is broken, but I don’t need surgery. There wasn’t any swelling, so the doctor just sort of snapped it in place.”

I cringed.

“Not literally snapped,” she laughed. “It didn’t hurt. Now I just have to keep this bandage on my nose for a while.”

Then the wheels turned in my head. “Wait—you’ve already been seen?”


“But, but we just got here.”

“Dude, you’ve been out for like five hours,” Andy said.

“What? Really?” I was kind of astonished. Five hours?

“The janitor filled us in on what happened. That dude’s kind of weird. He just, like, hung around in the room for a while, talking to us and, like, not cleaning.”

“He said you were the most hysterical person with a concussion he’d ever seen,” Shelby added, trying to hide a smirk.

“Uh, what did happen?” I asked. My memory was a little hazy. I remembered a few things, like how I dive-bombed into a puddle of puke, but I didn’t know if they knew that. God, I hoped they didn’t know that.

“Well, for starters, you, slipped and fell in vomit,” she said with a sympathetic frown.

“Splat!” Andy cried with joy and clapped his hands together.

“Oh, right,” I mumbled. Damn it, they knew.

“Apparently you were just laying on the ground, writhing in vomit and muttering something about quicksand,” Shelby said. “You were acting so strange, the janitor knew something was wrong.”

I couldn’t remember what happened after I ran away from Dirty Janitor.

“What happened next?” I asked.

“You ran toward me, yelling and screaming. You seemed really disoriented. Then you collapsed onto the ground and asked me to save you.”

“What?!” Suddenly, I remembered.

“Save me!” Andy wailed and threw himself onto my bed.

He landed an inch away from my groin. Phew. Then he crawled on top of me, clutching my shoulders, and whispered in my ear, “Save me.”

“Get off me!” I pushed him off the bed. He landed on his ass. Shelby was cracking up.

“Why did I ask you to save me?” I asked her.

“I don’t know,” she said in between giggles.

I didn’t know either, and I didn’t know why I’d lost consciousness a second time, but I felt like the biggest loser on the planet. Not the biggest loser, like that TV show The Biggest Loser, I wasn’t fat or anything, in fact, I was pretty skinny, not that I ever worked out, because working out was hard, but anyway, I meant that I was a loser who killed his chances—not that I ever really had any—for getting with Shelby Waters, or at least not being a complete idiot in her eyes.

“Cavvy!” My mom’s voice blared as she burst through the door.


“Oh yeah, your mom’s here,” Andy said.

“Oh, Cavvy! You’re awake! When the hospital called me, I rushed right over! I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. I just popped over to the cafeteria for a minute. Oh, my baby!”

She gave me a life-threateningly tight hug and kissed every inch of my face. Don’t get me wrong, I loved her, but she was embarrassing me.

“Mama’s boy!” Andy jeered.

“Andy Summers!” My mom gasped and released me from her megahug. “Be nice. And it’s late. Have you eaten? Come to my house. I’ll cook you dinner.” Then she turned back to me. “My poor boy, you must be starving!”

“Not really,” I said.

“Nonsense! You’re awake now. That means you’re free to go. The doctor gave you a clean bill of health! Well, aside from the concussion. He said usually they’d keep you overnight, but you’ve been out for a while and the concussion was mild, so long as I keep an eye on you at home, it should be alright. And no driving for a week! So I’ll take you to school tomorrow, Honey.”

Awesome. My mom had to drive me to school. I was becoming more of a chick magnet with every passing minute.


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