WTF Search Terms
WordPress allows me to check my blog’s stats. How many hits I get on my blog per day, which posts got the most views, what people click on, etc. It also allows me to see what you guys (or spammers) searched in Google to find my blog. I’ve compiled a list of the most WTF search terms that led people to Shit My Cake Says. Granted, the people who typed these particular keywords probably didn’t stick around to read anything, but for those of you who do, I give you this:
My Favorite Search Terms People Put in Google or Ask Jeeves (No, No One Uses Ask Jeeves Anymore) or Whatever to Find My Blog
I’ve broken it down into 4 categories: General Grossness, Bizarre Stuff Involving Japan, Celebrity Trivia, and Miscellaneous.
Big Bucket of Horrible Meat
Poop Cat– What’s that up there? Is it a bird? A plane? No! It’s Poop Cat, pooping all over our town. Damn that cat, he’s such an asshole when he lets his asshole run rampant like that.
Men Masrubating– Not to be confused with “Men masturbating”, which is also a search term that’s popped up around here now and then. I don’t know what “masrubating” is, but it sounds magical.
Hot Naked Young Men– The reason this one made the list is because it’s painfully obvious an old man typed it. No one uses the term “young men” except The Village People and old people, specifically, old dudes, so this search term pretty much translates to “Sexy Toddler Boys Dipped in Prune Juice.”
Girl Ist Shitting on Cake– So… you’re into that sort of thing?
Masturbating on Pizza– That must be some really bland pizza if you have to add extra flavor by jizzing on it.
Horrible Names for Penis– Let’s think of some! How about “Lady Marmalade,” “Jennifer Lopez,” “Toddler Winkies,” “Baby Blue Bell,” “Poop Plunger,” and “Micro-Sized.”
Cat Black Poop– Geez, no need to get racist with your feline feces.
Poop Hoarder– Not to be confused with other search terms like “Hoarding human feces”, “Hoarding shit”, or the next one on the list:
Hoarding Excrement– Dude, this should totally be a band name.
Fat Man Naked– Dude, this should totally not be a band name.
Bizarre Stuff Involving Japan
Japanese Turning Feces Into Bacon
Did the Song Power From Kanye West Kill Japanese– Yes.
Disgusting Oprah– I agree, she is disgusting.
Robert Levon Been Is Hot– Damn right he is!
Kanye West Power Albino– Well, Kanye West is a powerful albino.
Horrible Names Who Are Being Mean to U– The names themselves are being mean to the letter U? That’s terrible. Let’s get letters A through J to sign a petition against this bullying. Not K, though. K’s been a little… off… since L became an alcoholic.
Do Ghosts Slam– Yes, ghosts enjoy sex like humans do.
Someone Punched Me in the Nose and It’s Bleeding– Congratulations.
There you have it, my favorite Shit My Cake Says search terms. Sure, there were a lot of other boring ones about Forever 21 and sadomasochism, but whatevs.
To all of you who continue to read my blog, thanks. It’s nice to know there are people out there who want to read my rants about poop and masturbation. *Cue after school special music* How I love you all! Now go masturbate in some poop.