Everyday Eerie

Some things in life are really f*cking creepy, but no one seems to notice. They’re everyday, innocent-looking little things. Why aren’t more people creeped out by these? Because of the government, of course. I’m going to tell you what they won’t about the following creepy objects:

Bobble Heads: You get a bobble head for your desk at work. At first, your bobble head seems like your friend, nodding “yes” to everything you say, providing a listening ear. But as your relationship grows, you realize it nods “yes” to things like, “I forgot to turn in my expense report– I’m such an idiot!”, “Do I look fat today?”, and “Have you been talking shit about me?”. As it turns out, the bobble head you thought was your BFFF is actually your best frenemy and a social climber. The bobble head relocates to someone else’s desk and nods “yes” while that person points at you and snickers. What a bastard of a bobble head. Just when you get over feeling hurt, you work late one night and see that the bobble head is on your desk, watching you, constantly nodding. Every time you look away and look back at it, it’s inched closer to you. Finally, it bobs one last “yes” and attacks you with a chainsaw.

Oh come on, you can’t bob your head in the Iron Man suit.

Pipe Cleaners: I’m sure you remember playing with these colorful, fuzzy wires when you were a kid. It was innocent enough… or so you thought. Allow me to remind you of the pipe cleaner memories you repressed. One day, after your mom picked you up from school, you arrived at your house only to discover that it had been destroyed, almost like something had devoured it in a period of six hours or so. You remember you didn’t put away your pipe cleaners after you were done playing with them. Then you remember those odd, colorful, hungry caterpillars that you used to see around your house when you were up past your bedtime. You put two and two together and realize those “caterpillars” ate your house. There’s a reason Mom always told you to put your toys away: so your house wouldn’t get eaten.

It’s too late for this kid. The pipe cleaners have already converted him to satanic Judaism.

Washing Machines and Dryers: You know how these bastards always steal your socks? Well, those aren’t the only things they want to take from you.

Excuse me, ma’am, but I claimed this washer first. Didn’t you see my detergent on top?

Scarves: Sure, they look good and they’re nice accessories to have when the weather gets cold. However, you may have noticed that the longer you’re wearing a scarf, the tighter it starts to wrap around your neck. This is no accident. Scarves were trained by Persian military assassins to take out former president Jimmy Carter, but the scarves escaped their brainwashing facility and began getting revenge on the humans who used them. Today, they’re still trying to kill us. Luckily, scarves are weaklings and take a while to kill us, therefore, they are usually unsuccessful. Don’t think that they’re not capable of killing you, though. If you don’t keep an eye on your scarf, you’ll be dead before you know it.

The typical phases of scarf homicide: 1) Victim wraps scarf around neck, 2) Scarf becomes tighter, 3) Scarf becomes much too tight around victim’s neck, 4) Scarf strangles victim to death.

Coffee Grinders: Coffee Grinders are perhaps the smartest predators of all. As people grow older and more tired, they become dependent on coffee’s caffeine and start looking for ways to save money on coffee, so they buy a coffee grinder. The coffee grinder works fine and builds the user’s trust. Then, when the time is right, they strike. The user is never seen again.

Grind for your life!

You’ve been informed. Now, any death by bobble head, pipe cleaner, washing machine, scarf, or coffee grinder is on you.

For more awesome pictures of stuff eating other stuff, like the above woman being eaten by a washing machine, visit Worth 1000.


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