Pink Zebra Van Real Estate Guns
What does pink zebra print have to do with family real estate?
The answer is absolutely nothing. So why does the Mercer family think a promotional van covered in pink zebra print is a good idea?
Mercer Family Realty serves Denton, TX. They’re there to help you sell a house, buy a house, and blind you with their eyesore of a van.
About two weeks ago, I was driving home from work and saw a black van covered in pink zebra print. I figured it was a promotional van for some kind of tween girl clothing store or “edgy” cake bakery. I was surprised to see that it was actually advertising real estate. It took me a while to regain my sight after it was taken from me by the uncomfortable juxtaposition of family realty and pink animal print.
A few days ago, I saw the van again, parked outside a grocery store. Sighting a van twice in roughly two weeks? Hardly seems coincidental.
I am convinced Mercer Family Realty is following me. But that’s not important. Maybe it’s important.
When I think of pink zebra print, I think of a thirteen-year-old girl’s idea of badass. She’s young, she’s bold, she’s animal-printed, she’s caked in body glitter from Libby Lu’s*, and she’s itching to get her first real kiss from a boy.
Wait, is that thirteen-year-old girl or thirty-year-old tranny? I always get those two confused.
Regardless, neither is appropriate for real estate or a family business. Their website looks like it was designed by a thirteen-year-old girl. It also has the grammar of a thirteen-year-old or tranny prostitute. When you click on the “What is my home’s value?” link, you’re taken to a page called “What Is My Homes Value?”
Mercer family, listen up. “Homes” is a plural word. “Is” is a singular verb. The apostrophe? Yeah, it’s not just for decoration.
Anyway, their ugly website screams 1997. It’s horribly outdated and the color scheme is terrifyingly girlish. I’m not really going anywhere with this, I’m just sayin’.
When I first encountered the van, I didn’t get a chance to take a picture of it. The second time, I was too worried that if I got too close to it, I’d be shot, since stalkers are scary and Mercer Family Realty is stalking me.
So, I guess my point is this: I’m pretty upset about the fact that this van is trolling the streets of Denton, looking ugly and chasing me down with machine guns. Next time you need to buy a house in Denton, don’t use Mercer Family Real Estate, because aside from what I just said about them having guns, if their taste in vans and websites is so horrible, their taste in houses can’t be great either.
*AKA “Whores-In-Training ‘R Us”