Some Latino redneck in Sherman, TX (where else?) parked this bad boy outside Lowe’s today.
Feast your eyes on this Catholic carcacha:
I began a random game of Words With Friends under the guise that all the words must be encompassed in a short story, in the order they were played. My opponent was named “To good 4 u pplz”, which is interesting since I beat her by 80 points (144 to 64, before she resigned) and her name is both obnoxious and grammatically incorrect. Mid-game, she changed her name to “GucciGirlie”, which isn’t much better, but it’s still a clear sign that whoever she is, she’s easy to beat. So start a game with her and feel good about yourself! Yay!
All the words used in the game are in bold.
Caroline the Fatty
Caroline was a fatty. She was so fat that whenever she took a step, she put a hole in the floor, even steel floors. She was also a liar, since she told everyone she only weighed 120 lbs, when she clearly weighed at least 280.
One day, Caroline decided to discover religion. She visited a few wats*, which were oddly located in Oklahoma, and asked Buddha to help her lose weight. She stomped through the floorboards of one particular wat and knelt at the feet of a bronze Buddha statue.
“Let’s make a deal, Buddha,” she said. “You make me thin, and I’ll sell all my fat to charity.”
With the slew of horrendous summer movies finally coming to a close, we can all breathe easier and willingly walk into movie theaters again. But do you even need to go to the theater to get action-packed, thrilling, romantic, glorious cinematic content? No ma’amsir, you do not. Go to Blockbuster and rent everything on my newest list: movies that are often overlooked despite their poignant and outstanding cinematic content:
1. White Chicks: Two down-and-out FBI CSI CIA NYPD black men have to protect two young, spoiled, blonde white women. After inevitably getting into a steamy affair with the girls, the men ponder life, love, and discover religion. Through their physical intimacy, they lead the girls on an emotional journey and teach them how to appreciate the little things in life, like sex. Since one of the men is married, and has discovered religion (what religion? All the religions!) since consummating his affair, he feels deeply guilty for betraying his wife and begins a long trek home, disguised as the white woman he plowed. This is obviously because he feels the need to literally show the world what he’s done, and the easiest way to do that is by cross-dressing and cross-ethnicitying. His fellow law enforcement black friend joins him on his journey, also disguised as the woman he slept with, to repent with him for betraying his own wife, who doesn’t exist, since he’s not married. This movie is a journey of journeys, about journey, with the entire soundtrack consisting of Journey.