Oh my spiders, you guys. IT’S OCTOBER 1ST. You know what that means…
… Halloween candy! YAAAAAAAAAY!
Fact: Halloween is the best day of all the days. Candy is the best food of all the diabetes-causing foods. Central Market is the best store of all the grocery stores in Texas. Therefore it stands to reason that Halloween candy from Central Market is the best of all the everything.
It is my great pleasure to review Central Market’s seasonal candy collection, which is what I’m about to do, in case you hadn’t figured that out.
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October 1, 2012 | Categories: Food, Halloween, Holidays, Humor, Uncategorized, WTF | Tags: boo, brains, candy, candy corn, caramel apple, cat, Central Market, chocolate, chocolate covered candy corn, fancy candy, ghost, gumball, gummy brains, gummy teeth, Halloween, jujube, jujubes, kyary pamyu pamyu, list, malt balls, pumpkin, review, spice, strange candy, tangerine candy corn, unique, unusual, vampire teeth, weirdest Halloween candy | 3 Comments »
If you haven’t heard about the Gummy Bear Dress, allow me to fill you in. Someone made a dress out of 50,000 gummy bears that weighs 220 lbs because they were so inspired by the awesome Alexander McQueen dress pictured below that they just had to plagiarize recreate it in gelatin-based candies.
It made me realize that I’ve missed several golden opportunities to make my own interpretations of beautiful things out of random crap. If only the bed I made out of graham cracker crumbs hadn’t been carried away by the ants. The ants. So many ants… so many… there wasn’t time…
Oh well. The good news is, there’s no shortage of artistic people with a few screws loose who get struck by inspiration the way I got struck by a shopping cart in a Kroger parking lot because I tried to steal an old lady’s newly bought denture cleaner so I could see what it tasted like for no reason. People get inspired all the time, and they put the products of their inspirations online:
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July 8, 2012 | Categories: Fashion, Humor, Internet, Uncategorized, WTF | Tags: Alexander McQueen, art, artistic, back boobs, banana, bed, bored, bra, car, Catholic, clothing, comedy, condom, crazy, creation, creative, dentures, design, dinosaur, dress, entertainment, face, fashion, Friday the 13th, girls, gummi bear, hat, head, home, hot dog, inspiration, interior, interpretation, invention, Japanese, Jason Voorhees, jeans, lampshade, list, objects, plagiarism, redneck, shoes, slut, straws, sweet genius, thong, toilet paper, toilet seat, trash, umbrella, unique, unusual, useless, weird | 1 Comment »
I turn 100 today, sort of. This is my one hundredth post. Numero uno cero cero. Cien. Hundra. Een honderd. 百. In my old age I’ve gained much wisdom about the internet and blogging. Mostly the internet, though, and truthfully, next to nothing about blogging… or the internet. I know nothing. But that’s never stopped me from pretending I know what I’m talking about.
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May 10, 2012 | Categories: Humor, Internet | Tags: 100, Belieber, Bieber, blogging, boobs, bullying, crocs, cult, gay, George Lucas, Google, kids, lesbian, list, McDonald's, North Korea, porn, post, PTA, search, Snuggie, Supernatural, tags, traffic, twitter | Leave A Comment »
WordPress allows me to check my blog’s stats. How many hits I get on my blog per day, which posts got the most views, what people click on, etc. It also allows me to see what you guys (or spammers) searched in Google to find my blog. I’ve compiled a list of the most WTF search terms that led people to Shit My Cake Says. Granted, the people who typed these particular keywords probably didn’t stick around to read anything, but for those of you who do, I give you this:
My Favorite Search Terms People Put in Google or Ask Jeeves (No, No One Uses Ask Jeeves Anymore) or Whatever to Find My Blog
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November 19, 2010 | Categories: Bored, Comedy, Humor, Internet, Pop Culture, Uncategorized, WTF | Tags: after school special, alcoholic, alphabet, Ask Jeeves, Ask.com, big bucket of horrible meat, bizarre stuff involving Japan, blog, cat black poop, celebrity trivia, congratulations, count, did the song power from kanye west kill Japanese, disgusting Oprah, do ghosts slam, fat man naked, favorite, general grossness, girl ist shitting on cake, Google, hits, Hoarders, hoarding excrement, hoarding human feces, hoarding shit, horrible names for penis, Horrible names who are being mean to u, Hot Young Naked Men, Internet, intervention, Japan, Japanese turning feces into bacon, Kanye West, Kanye West Power albino, list, masturbating on pizza, masturbation, Men Masrubating, miscellaneous, old men, Oprah, pedophiles, penis couture, poop, poop cat, poop hoarder, Power, read, readers, Robert Levon Been, Robert Levon Been is hot, sadomasochism, search engine, search terms, sex, shit my cake says, someone punched me in the nose and its bleeding, statistics, stats, Superman, toddler, views, wordpress, WTF | 1 Comment »
Read this. It is right in every way (except for #11, a personal favorite/guilty pleasure of mine).
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September 16, 2010 | Categories: Beauty, Bored, Clothing, Comedy, Humor, Pop Culture, Uncategorized, Wellness | Tags: appearance, beauty, capris, celebrities, clothing, eyes, eyesore, fox13, hate, health, jeans, leggings, lingerie, list, love, numbered, numbers, outerwear, Paris Hilton, Peaches G, pets as accessories, pink dogs, shorts, stop, tights, torn jeans, trends, underwear | Leave A Comment »
I have broken it down into two categories: Reasons Why Stephanie Meyer Should Be Assassinated and Reasons Why Stephanie Meyer Should Not Be Assassinated.
Reasons Why Stephanie Meyer Should Be Assassinated:
1. Vampires Suck: This movie looks like the worst thing since Birdemic*. Why does it exist? Because Twilight exists. Therefore Stephanie Meyer is responsible for it.
2. Nordstrom: I no longer have any respect for Nordstrom’s juniors department. All the clothes are now Twilight-themed thanks to Meyer’s horrendous book, and if that wasn’t disturbing enough, they also sell life-size cardboard cut-outs of Twilight characters, which you can buy here. Times are tough, though, so I recommend pinching a few pennies by cutting your own firewood.
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August 7, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: assassinate, Bella, book, Die, Edward Cullen, Jacob Black, list, Live, Nordstrom, reason, Regretsy, Robert Pattinson, Stephanie Meyer, stupid, Taylor Lautner, Team Edward, Team Jacob, Twilight | 8 Comments »
7. The Plethora of Made-For-TV “ABC Family Original” Movies: Weighed against such gems as Revenge of the Bridesmaids, Pizza My Heart, and Karate Dog, Lindsay Lohan’s Labor Pains could actually be considered a good film. Except not.
6. The Secret Life of the American Teenager: Their lives are so secret that everyone knows everyone else’s secrets. Barely attractive, terrifyingly horrendous actors pretend to sleep around. Everyone is pregnant, including that one guy who looks oh so much like a girl. In fact, most of the stars look like they used to be the opposite gender of what they are allegedly now. I vote a title change to “The Secret Life of the American Tranny”.
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August 5, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: ABC Family, bad, cialis, Huge, Lindsay Lohan, list, Pat Robertson, PLL, Pretty Little Liars, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, seven, The 700 Club, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, top, TV, viagra | 2 Comments »
