I am a total fucking bitch. I mean a Total. Fucking. Bitch.
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July 6, 2012 | Categories: Awkward, Humor, Uncategorized | Tags: alone, bitch, bully, conflict, deal, demeanor, drama, enemies, first impression, friends, Golden Corral, immature, job, mean, nice, people, personality, platypus, professional, rant, restaurant, rude, staff, stupid, work, workplace | 4 Comments »
You’re not cool if you don’t recognize the guy in this picture.
I graduated today, only not. Technically, I graduated early. Impressive, no? The answer actually is no because I only graduated a semester early, and honestly, it was an accident. I didn’t mean to be so damn efficient in my college career.
That’s a lie. I was not at all efficient in my college career, but in high school I did dual credit stuff at a community college so I could hang out with potheads who had animal hoarding problems. But that’s a story for another time.
Because I took those community college classes as a teen with misplaced anger issues, I didn’t have to go to college for as long as I thought I would. My plan was to go to Austin College (not in Austin) for a year or so, then transfer to a school that actually offered a program I was interested in. I swore I would not graduate from Austin College. I refused. I was going somewhere better.
I never transferred, and thank God for that.
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May 14, 2012 | Categories: College, Humor, Uncategorized | Tags: Austin, burglar, college, friends, Goodwill, graduate, graduation, lies, memories, pictures, school, September 11, Sherman, Shermanites, story, Texas, truth, weird | 6 Comments »
This year, I cannot celebrate Valentine’s Day and must instead celebrate Singles Awareness Day. You see, I recently got dumped. It was for the best, though, because my ex was practically verbally abusive. He’d say unnecessarily hurtful things, like, “I don’t think you should carry that gun on school property” and “I find it somewhat strange that you’ll only sleep on mattresses stuffed with human hair” and “I think your collection of disembodied doll heads is a little creepy”. I mean, dragging my doll heads into his personal problems? What a freak.
Anyway, because I’m single now, I’ve made a list of fun things single people can do on Singles Awareness Day (SAD):
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February 13, 2011 | Categories: Awkward, Bored, Comedy, Holidays, Humor, Internet, Pop Culture, Uncategorized, WTF | Tags: $13000 watch, amusement, army, bf, bikini, Blockbuster, book, break up, Breaking the Waves, butts, canoe, canoeing, canoeing in cold weather, casual sex, cats, celebrate, celebration, church, cold weather, comedy, condom, couples, crazy, Dancer in the Dark, dancing, dating, death in seven days, depressing movies, doll collection, doll head collection, ex, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, expensive clothes, Facebook, Facebook profile, family friendly, Feb 14, February 14, feces, four wheelers, freak, friends, fun, fun things to do, funny, garden gnomes, getting dumped, getting laid on Valentine's Day, gf, gnomes, Go Taco Bell Surfing, gun, hairy, Have a Romantic Comedy Movie Marathon, Hit Up a Nightclub, Home Depot, homemade, horny, Hotel Rwanda, locker room, mall, mashed potatoes, mate, mattresses with human hair, meat filler, men, Million Dollar Baby, mom, neighborhood, night club, nonmeat, overweight, paint, paint the town red, paint trees, parking lot, personal problems, pigeon poop, pigeons, pool, poor people, potatoes, preschooler, public swimming pool, rat poison, Read a Where’s Waldo Book While Steering a Canoe in a Public Swimming Pool, red paint, romance, romantic comedies, romantic movies, Run Over Potatoes with a Four-Wheeler in a Church Parking Lot, SAD, school, Send Your Ex Supportive Facebook Messages, Seven Pounds, single, Singles Awareness Day, small children, social, socialize, Sophie’s Choice, speeding, strangers, stray cats, surfing, swim, swimming, Taco Bell, tacos, teens, Thanksgiving, The Fly, Tie Garden Gnomes on Local Stray Cats’ Backs, towel, town, Valentine's Day, Walk Alone in a Bad Neighborhood, walking along at night, walking through a bad neighborhood, watch you sleep, wet, wet towel, Where's Waldo, Whip Prospective Mates’ Butts with a Wet Towel, X games | Leave A Comment »
It’s Christmas Eve! You know what that means. Last-minute shopping! Many of you have yet to find that perfect gift for everyone on your list, but you’re in luck! There’s one universally loved gift that suits everyone: the cat sweater!
I’ve made a list of a few beautiful cat sweaters that everyone can appreciate. Your gift will touch the recipient so much, he or she might cry!
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December 24, 2010 | Categories: Awkward, Holidays, Humor, Uncategorized, WTF | Tags: cat sweaters, cats, children, Christmas, friends, fur, grandma, Holidays, relatives, sextuplets, shit my cake says, siamese, sweaters, WTF | 2 Comments »
